Hi Patrick,Ive got this one coworker who just loves to hear himself talk, and for some reason hes chosen me specifically to be the recipient of his blessings. He keeps coming up to me during lunch breaks wanting to talk European politics. Im European and interested in politics so with anyone else I would usually welcome this topic however, he isnt actually interested in my opinion at all, he just seems to want to show off how much he knows. I know all of these things, probably better than him. But no matter how often I interjected Yes, I know, he just kept talking at me, getting louder and louder at every interjection, and keeping up a constant string of umms and aahs to make sure I couldnt say anything even when he was picking his next words. I am not very good at communicating when Im uncomfortable in a situation, so I just sit there staring blankly at nothing while he talks in my general direction. The problem is, since hes talking about something I actually find interesting, I do occasionally contribute something to the conversation, which obviously keeps him going. Im pretty sure my other coworkers with whom I get on very well have noticed that I am very uncomfortable when this happens, but since he is usually interested in talking to me specifically, they generally stay out of the conversation cant say I blame them. How do I communicate to this guy that I dont care about his opinions and that I dont want him ruining my lunch breaks Cheers,Going Deaf. Hey Going Deaf The first thing you need to do is stop responding to him. At all. I know its hard because hes talking about something youre actually interested in, but you absolutely cannot respond in any wayeven if you have the best retort ever. If you nod and give an occasional mmm, hell probably keep talking, but if you actually respond with words, hell ramble on til the end of days my friend. You probably do know more than this guy, but that does not matter to him in the slightest. Hes seeking self affirmation by spouting off his own political knowledge and garbage opinions. Its what makes him feel whole, so if that bugs you, theres no way you can interact with him and expect anything less than this ancient form of verbal torture. But not responding wont fix the problem entirely, G Dizzle. Its just to keep from encouraging the bastard. Clearly your colleagues arent going to save you, and frankly, I wouldnt dive on that grenade either. So, to stop it for good, youll need to take action. Here are a few solutions I recommend Stop him before he gets started. When you see him approach, hold your hand up like youre a crossing guard on a hot day and say, I really cant chat today, Im insert plausible excuse here Or, try this alternative thats worked for me I close my eyes, point my finger up, and say, Im sorry, Im trying to focus on something right now. Putting on headphones and acting like youre concentrating on a hot new audiobook or meditating to gong sounds might work as well. Set a time limit for the conversation, verbally. When he approaches, immediately look at your watch or phone, so he can see it, then say, I can chat persons name, but only for five minutes. Whats up Then listen to him without engaging or interrupting. Stop him at the time limit with a line like, Okay, Im going to get back to this now, or Okay, Im going to just zone out and enjoy the rest of my lunch for a bit. Hes more likely to stop because you gave him a reasonable expectation at the beginning of the conversation. He started talking knowing you could only spare five minutes, and thats what he got. Schedule a time outside of work to talk about politics. Say, Hey, Id really like to talk about all this, but I dont really feel comfortable talking about it at work. Maybe we can grab a coffee and discuss it another time Then, heres the kicker, dont follow through. Keep putting it off and rescheduling, while being stern about not discussing it at work. Hopefully, hell take the hint. Leave during your lunch break. Like, go outside and eat your lunch, grab lunch and a margarita at a nearby restaurant, sit in your car with the radio on and your windows open, anything to get away from this guy and save your sanity. Do it enough times and he might finally realize you dont want to talk to him anymore. Who knows Maybe hell latch onto some other poor sap Hopefully one of those solutions works for you, Going Deaf. If not, you have to put on your big boy pants and stand up for your own well being. Tell him straight up that you dont care about his opinions and that you dont want him ruining your lunch breaks anymore. I guess you can say it nicer, though, if you want. Something like, Im sorry, I dont want to discuss this stuff with you anymore. Id appreciate it if you kept these things to yourself. Or I really need my personal time during my lunch breaks, so Id really appreciate it if youd let me do my own thing. Software Update For Mio Gps Accessories more. It will be uncomfortable, sorry. But whats worse One awkward, uncomfortable confrontation, or a lifetime of listening to his bullshit Save yourself. A good conversation is all about the back and forth both parties listening and responding. IfRead more Read. Quickies. Because I just dont have the time or patience for all of you. Miss Patience asks Hi Patrick, I am 2. My relationships are ending due to this. Please advise me. Hey MP First, let me say that your virginity is yours. If you dont want to lose it, you dont have toever. These people ending relationships with you because youre not ready arent right for you. You need someone who understands your feelings and is willing to wait. Just make sure you tell them that when things start to get serious so they dont feel like youre holding out on them for other reasons. That said, theres a difference between not feeling ready and just being afraid of the process itself. If its the latter, learn about sex and arm yourself with some knowledge. Our resident sexpert yup, I went there, Vanessa Marin, has covered the topic of losing your virginity as an adult very well. But if youre not ready, MP, youre not ready. Dont rush something just because some jerks are mad you wont put out. Not all of us lose our virginities at age 1. Camry. If youre still a virginRead more Read. Thats it for this week, but I still have plenty of blunt, honest advice bottled up inside. Tell me, whats troubling youIs work getting you down Are you having problems with a friend or a coworker Is your love life going through a rough patch Do you just feel lost in life, like you have no direction Tell me, and maybe I can help. I probably wont make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but sometimes what you need is some tough love.